


The Verge of Catastrophic

by NotEvenThat



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec's POV, Angst, Blood, Canon Rewrite, Eventual Happy Ending, Father Figure Luke, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Parabatai Feels, Ragnor is the High Warlock of Brooklyn, Slow Burn, Soulmate AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-05
Updated: 2018-02-02
Packaged: 2018-11-09 14:06:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11106135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotEvenThat/pseuds/NotEvenThat
Summary: Alec Lightwood met his soulmate at the Pandemonium and he realized three absolutely horrifying things at the same time; His soulmate was male, his soulmate was a mundane and his soulmate was bleeding.An alternative universe in which Magnus Bane was born a mundane and Clary Fray was never at the Pandemonium that night.





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> I'm almost done with the first 'book' of my only long fic, so I figured why not start another!  
> Its weird that this is the second time I've used the relationship tag 'Mundane Magnus/Shadowhunter Alec.'

Every since he was a child, Alexander Lightwood had hoped that he would never meet his soulmate. Not because he didn’t want them but because he knew, even then, when he was a child who didn’t understand what was wrong with him at all, that his soulmate would be male. Jace and Izzy knew too. Not because Alec had told them, he never would, but simply because they knew. They could tell.

Izzy had known since they were children, when she had guessed that Alec had a crush on Jace. Jace had known since their Parabatai ceremony, when they had combined their souls. After that, they couldn’t hide anything from each other and they hadn’t wanted too. Even then though, knowing that both of his siblings knew, he had never said it out loud. None of them had. It was dangerous enough for it to be the truth but for them to speak it, even completely alone, was unthinkable.

Alec had always known that his life was bordering on catastrophic. For now, he was safe. His siblings would never tell and he would never let anyone know but the moment fate intervened and Alec met his soulmate, his whole world would come crashing down.

Someday, Alec was going to meet someone and they were going to destroy him, whether they wanted too or not.

Alec was twenty years old when it happened.

 

The music was pounding through Alec’s head and he wished, even though it would leave him weaker and less observative than he was now, that he hadn’t applied his hearing rune. Jace darted ahead of him, the sword in his hands flashing off the bright lights above them. Isabelle was somewhere behind him, drifting to the left so all three of them formed a wall between the exit. They did it without a word, the years of training behind them allowing them to act as one without anyone needed to say it.

They were sent to the club after the Institutes sensor had picked up on demonic activity. The mission was dangerous, but not anymore so than any other mission they’d been on lately. Mostly, Alec was excited to go home. The thrill of the chase had worn off hours ago. Alec knew that the moment they actually started fighting, he’d get that rush that he felt every time but the moment they were done, he would drop again. Even the stamina rune on his side was starting to wear thin.

Recently, their lives had been filled with sleepless nights and piles of paperwork. Today, they could go home and rest and as much as Alec would never admit it to anyone higher than him, he needed a break. They all did.

The only thing standing in their way was this demon and any other demons that had come with it.

Isabelle’s hand twitched at her side, a silent message to Jace and Alec that she had found something. She ducked out of view a moment later and Alec pulled the blade out of its sheath as he followed.

When he came around the corner, Isabelle was already standing above them, dancing as if she wasn’t watching the movement of everyone in the room. Behind him, Jace pulled the curtain shut.

After that, it only took a few seconds.

The demons moved closer, so enchanted that it didn’t even notice Jace and Alec closing in on it. Their eyes met for a brief moment over their bodies and then Jace’s mouth twitched in a smile and they _ignited._

Jace hit the first one. His blade slashed in a quick motion and he smiled a cocky grin, that showed all of his pleasure at getting the first kill. The demon exploded and he moved on quickly, as Alec rolled his eyes and ducked the first blow before turning and cutting the head of the demon behind him clean off.

Alec could feel the adrenaline thrumming between him and Jace, blending together until neither was sure who it was coming from. Later, he would be tired but for now Alec was _exhilarated._

Isabelle dropped off the podium behind him and Alec heard the whip slash and then the explosion of the demon dying. It only last for a minute. All too soon, Alec and Jace were circling the last demon as Izzy destroyed the only other one left behind them.

They both dove at the same time, cutting the demon in half in the same synched motion. It was unneeded and unnecessary but it was theatrical and _fun._ The dust and ash fell across them as the demon erupted between them and Alec smiled for a brief moment before he heard the scream behind him and he turned.

A demon, one that they had missed, dashed into the crowd and Isabelle started forward, not towards it but towards the person standing in front of them. The whip was already curling back onto her wrist as she assessed the Mundane, quicker than Jace or Alec had.

Beside him, Jace pulled his sword up, holding it instinctively as he turned towards the sound.

They both kept moving, walking towards the mundane. Jace’s weapon dropped. Isabelle dropped her hands casually as she moved forward.

Alec.. froze.

Alec’s eyes met the auburn ones before him and for a few sinking moments, Alec didn’t realize what was happening. The Mundane before him stood, the glitter across his body shimmering under the piercing club lights. He was wearing shorts that left his bare skin glowing. The loose shirt he wore was half unbuttoned, showing off his toned chest under the long necklaces that he wore.

His expression was one of horror and he stumbled backwards, the rings on his fingers flashing as he pressed his wet hand against his mouth.

Alec didn’t think about any of that, though. He stood, absolutely froze as his world shifted around him. Suddenly, he wasn’t standing in the club anymore. Isabelle and Jace weren’t standing next to him. For a moment, for the first time in _years_ , him and Jace weren’t even connected anymore. Nothing was real, nothing at all but the man before him and Alec himself.

And then, as quickly as it had happened, absolutely everything went to hell.

Jace gasped next to him and Alec realized the glaringly obvious thing that he’d failed to see a moment before.

The man was bleeding. Not a slow trickle or even a run of blood but a gush; a wave; an ocean of blood that was pouring out of his chest, like someone had split him open to find that blood was the only thing left inside, like a water balloon or a dam cracking.

Instantly, Alec calculated what had happened even though he knew he should be moving, he should be helping, he should be saving him, this was his _soulmate._ He should be doing something, anything but standing there.

The man heard them, or saw Alec’s runes or weapons or whatever made him look _other_ to mundanes and then he’d followed them behind the curtain and he’d walked right into the demon. It had attacked him or simply struck him and then, when all of the others were dead, it had fled instead of being killed.

Jace ran forward, Isabelle followed a few seconds later and Alec watched the man as he fell. The blood was flowing across the floor now, flashing and shimmering wetly as the club lights lit it and made it look like something else; something normal and harmless. Like coffee, spilt across the floor.

Then, Isabelle called his name, _screamed_ it, and he was running.

 

“Alec-”

“The blood isn’t stopping.” It wasn’t. Jace was crouching next to him, blood slathered up to his elbows as he pressed into the wound, trying to stop the bleeding even though it had become obvious that it wasn’t helping.

Alec’s fingers were copying Jace’s motion, trying to hold the wound together because neither of them had any clue what to do about a wound that they couldn’t use runes to fix. Not one as big as this.

The man was unconscious. Alec knew that he was unconscious because of the amount of blood that he had lost but even knowing so, he couldn’t help but be a little bit thankful that those golden eyes weren’t watching him. Alec wasn’t sure if he could handle that. Not now. Not with him dying. Not knowing that this was his soulmate.

“Alec-”

“Jace, glamour him.” Jace moved instantly, reaching down to grab his stele even before Alec said it out loud. Alec took his place and pressed into the wound, holding it together in both places while Jace stood to glamour the scene from any mundanes.

“Alec!”

Alec met Isabelle's eyes over the body and they stared at each other for a few long moments. Alec knew that she realized then what had happened. That she realized that this was Alec soulmate. That she realized that she was the last one to know. That she realized that this was Alec’s soulmate and that he was dying.

“We need to call the High Warlock.”

 

The portal exploded in front of them and they rushed through it, Alec cradling the mans limp body in his arms. It had been seven minutes now, since the man had started bleeding. Three minutes had been lost trying to save him. One had been lost when Isabelle tried frantically to get through to the High Warlock. The other three had been lost explaining the situation and trying to convince him to help.

Now, the man was barely breathing. His breath was shallow and Alec felt it, even as soft as it was, every time.

Alec’s heart was pounding in his chest. His soul was _aching,_ enough that even Jace could feel it. The innate love that he felt in his body for this man was almost breathtaking but as Alec placed his limp body onto the table and ran to go grab a potion off the shelf, he couldn’t help but think that if the man died here no one would have to know.

He could go home and he would probably live with that ache never leaving his body, but he would be safe and no one except the people who already knew would have to know what Alec was.

The High Warlock stood above his soulmate's body, the green energy raining down onto his body in a powerful wave that even Alec could feel, feet away.

Jace stood next to him, feeling every wave of panic and fear that Alec was experiencing and when Alec thought it and debated to himself if he’d rather have his soulmate die here, Jace looked at him and then he reached out and took his hand into his.

Alec closed his eyes and then held Jace’s hand tight as he struggled to breath.

 

When the High Warlock, Ragnor, finally dropped his hands and walked over to where Alec was sitting, it had been hours. Long enough that the blood covering Alec’s body was dry and hard against his skin. Long enough that the runes keeping his body going had blinked out. Long enough that Isabelle had forced him to drink a cup of tea from the pot that she’d made in Ragnor’s kitchen.

“His body is stable. I removed the venom but there's not much I can do about the scar. He should wake up in a few hours. He’ll be exhausted for a few days but then he’ll be fine.” Ragnor spoke as if he were a pharmacist, recanting the same words he spoke everyday, anxious for his patient to finally leave. He turned and his eyes landed on Alec’s, “Maybe you shouldn’t take your soulmate with you the next time you decide to kill demons.”  

Alec didn’t ask how he knew. Jace tensed next to him but Alec spoke before he could jump in and say something that would escalate the situation. “Thank you.”

“I did it because it's my job to protect the Downworlders and the Mundanes who live in Brooklyn. I didn’t do it for you or any of your Nephilim friends.” Ragnor turned and walked towards the other side of the room, where there was a doorway, probably leading to the rest of his house. “You’re welcome to stay until he wakes up. Though, I’d rather you leave as quickly as possible.”

When Ragnor disappeared through the door, Alec saw the flash of wards and he knew that they wouldn’t be able to enter the rest of the house, had they wanted too.

With nothing else to do, they stood up. After a moment, when it became obvious that Alec wasn’t going to do so, Jace walked over and gently pulled Alec’s soulmate into his arms. Alec didn’t look over at all as they walked home and when they finally reached the Institute, Alec walked upstairs and left Jace, Isabelle and his soulmate in the entrance hall.

 

Alec threw himself forward and slammed his body into Jace’s before Jace could duck out of the motion. They both fell backwards and Alec landed on top of Jace for a split second before throwing himself back up again, landing in a defensive stance before Jace even attempted to get off the ground.

“Alec-”

Immediately, Alec cut him off before the sentence could even start forming in Jace’s mouth. He was exhausted, tired and his heart was aching with the need to go find his soulmate. He couldn’t handle talking about it too.  “Can we just train?”

There was a second of hesitation and then Jace nodded and they started again.

 

“You’re going to have to talk to him.” Jace said finally and Alec heart dropped in his chest before he even turned to look at him. Jace was laying against a pillar, where Alec had thrown him moments before. Alec stood a few feet away. Both of them were covered in enough blood and sweat that anyone looking on would assume they had been out all night hunting, rather than just training.

“In a couple of days he can go home. I don’t have to talk to him at all.” Alec said, throwing his torn shirt to the side as he turned back to Jace. He didn’t have to talk to him and Alec knew that he _couldn’t_ let himself because if he did, he would never be able to walk away. It was hard enough, feeling his presence in the Institute, feeling how hard he wanted Alec to go talk to him. If they actually met and Alec had to talk to him and look into his eyes, it would be all over. Jace knew it too. “Stand up.”

Jace threw himself up elegantly, walking a few steps closer toward Alec but not moving to fight. “He's your soulmate.”

“And he’s a guy.” Alec rebutted instantly, his expression not changing no matter how hard it was to even get himself to say _that._

“Izzy and I don’t care.”

Alec almost sighed. Almost. “I know _you_ don’t. I’m not worried about you guys.”

There was silence after he said it and Alec could tell how hard Jace wanted to say it. _No one else will care either. Nothing will happen. Who cares what anyone else thinks._ He couldn’t, though. He couldn’t promise Alec that nothing bad was going to happen. He couldn’t promise Alec that he was going to be okay. No one could.

They could derune him. They could confine him to Idris or send him Wrangel Island. They could do anything they wanted and the only people who would care wouldn’t be able to do anything about it.

Finally, Jace spoke, quietly, for some strange reason his voice resonating with a note of pleading. “He’s your soulmate.”

“He could get hurt too, Jace.” Neither of them needed to debated the fact of Alec’s statement. He could. The Clave could kill him, if they really wanted too and no one would be able to prove it.

No one said anything for a few moments and Alec knew that Jace had nothing to say to that. They both cared about him. Alec and Jace were two parts of the same person and they could feel each other's soulmates (though, Jace had yet to meet his) as if they were their own. Even though Alec hadn’t met him, the thought of something happening to him sent a cold flash of fear through his body. Alec would rather never meet him and keep him safe, than ruin both of their lives.

Even Jace had nothing to say to that.

“His name is Magnus.” Jace said finally, turning to pick up the clothes and weapons they’d scattered around the room.

 

Alec woke up the next morning to someone pounding on his bedroom door. He sat up instantly, his fingers moving to grab the weapon beside his bed before he even registered what was happening.

“Alexander!”

Alec heart dropped in his chest as he blinked wearily around his room. Mother. It was his mother. For a few moments, even his throat dried out and refused to speak. “Yeah?”

It had only been a matter of time before something cracked. Maybe, Jace or Izzy had slipped up. Maybe, someone had overheard them talking to Magnus. Maybe, Magnus had said something to someone. Alec knew very little about Mundane culture but he knew that, at least when it came to being like Alec was, they were far more forgiving. Maybe, whatever Jace and Izzy had said hadn’t expressed the danger of their situation. Maybe, Magnus had told someone, hoping that whatever he said would make Alec go see him, not understanding that he was dooming them both.

“I need you and Jace downstairs. Now.” Her voice cracked through the doorway as if it was a physical thing that was trying to lash out at him. “Find Isabelle too.”

The relief that washed through Alec came out as a physical breath and then he swung his legs over his bed and started to get dressed. She wouldn’t be calling all three of them, if it was about Alec’s soulmate. She wouldn’t want them downstairs, where the confrontation would be public. She wouldn’t want Izzy and Jace there to stand up for him.

Whatever it was, it wasn’t about Magnus.

 

“The Seelies have stopped communicating with the Clave and won’t explain why. My guess is they’re still upset we asked them to send scouts to look for Valentine but no one in their realm will talk.” Maryse walked around the three of them as she spoke, her eyes following them as if she was waiting for one of them to slip up and confess to something horrible, though Alec knew that they had done nothing wrong. Izzy and Jace hadn’t, at least.

She probably didn’t even think they had something to confess but a general always acts as if they know more than they do, even if there’s nothing to know.

“I have Seelie friends.” Alec’s eyes jumped off the floor to his mother's face as Isabelle spoke, his body tensing for the coming rebuttal. Alec may not agree with his sisters affiliations with the Downworld, but he’d still protect her from their mother's wrath as often as he could.

“Yes, I know about your _friends.”_ The tone that she used alone made Alec want to jump in front of his sister. They weren’t children anymore, though. Isabelle knew was old enough to know what she was doing. Alec couldn’t protect her from everything anymore, especially not their mother. “Isabelle, we stay separate from the downworld for good reasons. The wrong move, the wrong word. Maybe you told him- _them_ something they shouldn’t know, maybe you trod in one of their ridiculous costumes without knowing it.”

Alec’s mouth opened to speak, not even knowing what he was going to say in Izzy defense but Jace beat him to it, his voice harsh and disbelieving.“Wait, wait, I don’t understand. You’re laying all of this on Izzy for having a friend in the downworld?”

“When someone breaks the natural order, everything falls apart.” For the first time, Alec was thankful for his situation with Magnus. He was thankful that Magnus was simply a mundane and nothing more. As awful as their situation was, Alec couldn’t even imagine what would have happened had Magnus been a Downworlder. He didn’t even want to think about it.

“I can help. I know how to talk to Seelies.”

“She's right.” Jace looked over at him and caught his eyes as he said it, so Alec cut in before their mother could say something else.

“She can visit with Meliorn and see what he knows. I can go with her, if you’d like.”

His mother turned and looked at him for a moment before turning towards Jace, saying mildly, “I’d rather Jace goes along this time. Alec, you stay with the Mundane downstairs.”

A couple of things happened after she said it. Izzy looked over at him, her eyes wide in shock. Jace physically jumped and then spat out, “What? Why?”

Alec was sure that he was acting on Alec’s panic that he was feeling, rather than his own emotions. If he had taken a moment to separate himself from Alec, he would have realized that he _wanted_ Alec to meet Magnus. He didn’t though and for the moment, Alec was happy that Jace was speaking because he sure couldn’t.

Maryse turned to Jace, her mouth pressing into a tight line of displeasure. “Valentine has made a reappearance. The Clave is getting ready to engage in a war. The Downworld is starting to rebel and suddenly a Mundane, with the sight, get attack on one of your missions? He’s not leaving and he’s not to be unsupervised.”

No one spoke for a long moment and then Isabelle asked, quietly, “Why would Valentine spy on us? There's nothing special about the New York Institute. Not to him.”

Maryse stared at her for a long moment and then looked over at Jace and Alec, snapping, “Just follow orders. All of you.” Before turning and stalking out of the room, each of her steps echoing angrily off the hard tile floor.  

 

“You’re the acting head of the Institute, Alec. You should go on the mission.” Jace followed after him, his pace not ceasing even though Alec was obviously trying to lose him.

Turning, Alec snapped, feeling his anger at the whole situation boil. Jace, Magnus, Izzy. For a moment, Alec wished that none of them existed. He wished that his life had never been dragged into this. He wished that Magnus _had_ died that night. “Why? So, she can wonder why I’m so averse to being in the same room with him?” Jace stared for a second, his mouth just starting to open when Alec turned, talking a few angry steps away from Jace as he spoke.”You got what you wanted, anyway! I’m going to meet him! You should be happy.”

“I-” Behind him, Jace faltered before starting forward again. “I do want you to meet him! He-” Jace looked around for a second, making sure that they were alone in the corridor before turning back to Alec, whispering, “He’s your soulmate, Alec. You should meet him but I don’t want it to happen if that's not what you want. I don’t want you to be forced into it. You’re my brother. My parabatai. I just want you to be happy.”

Alec stared at Jace for a long moment before scoffing quietly. _Happy._ “Yeah, well some of us don’t get the chance to be happy.” All his life, Alec had been taking the fall for his siblings. When Isabelle was out with Meliorn, Alec covered for her. When Jace was out getting drunk and sleeping with any girl he could find, Alec covered for him but Alec had never had a moment like that. He’d never disobeyed orders. He’d never let himself do anything for selfish reasons, not even once and Alec knew that he’d never get too. Not with Jace and Isabelle. Not when he had to protect them all the time. Not when he was always picking up the slack that they left behind.

Jace didn’t follow him when he walked away again and Alec didn’t turn back.

 

The door to the infirmary was closed when Alec reached it. The thought crossed his mind for a moment that he could just wait outside and guard the door, but all he would need is for his mother to walk by and see him ignoring his duties. He could already hear her voice screaming at him.

Jace, Alec and Isabelle knew that Magnus wasn’t a spy. He had seen through the glamours because he was Alec’s soulmate and he had followed them because he could see their weapons and their runes and everything else that made them _other._ No one else knew that though and if he were caught not guarding him, he either have to explain why he knew that Magnus wasn’t a threat or he’d have to admit that he was putting the Institute at risk.

He couldn’t do either of those things. Not now. Not with Valentine. Not with everything on the verge of crumbling. Alec thought of his orders and _only_ his orders and then pushed the door open and walked inside, his back straight and his body tense, like a soldier headed into battle.

 


	2. The Wards

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus and Alec meet again.

For a moment, Alec thought that his soulmate- _Magnus_ was sleeping. He was laying on the bed closest to the windows, curled on his side as the rays of light shown through the dark stained glass all around him. Relief blossomed over Alec’s whole body before crashing down on him, harder than he thought possible, as his- As Magnus turned around.

He looked nothing like he had in those brief moments in the club, before he’d started dying. He was wearing clothes that were far too big on him, Jace’s and the makeup that had been all over his face was wiped clean. His hair, though it looked like he’d tried to fix it, was a messy on his head compared to the perfectly aligned thing he’d made it into before.

He looked tired. Not shadowhunter tired, not the look of someone who hadn’t slept in days but was fueled with the energy of a million runes, just tired. Like he was attacked by a demon just days ago and brought to a place where even his soulmate didn’t want to see him.

Alec walked over towards the bed, his expression blank, hoping fleetingly that maybe Magnus wouldn’t recognize him. He sat down in a chair only four feet away from him. Close enough that it was obvious Alec was there for him but far enough away that it was obvious he didn’t want to talk.

Neither of them said anything for a long moment and then Magnus spoke softly, “You're Alec.” He didn’t say it as a question, he just stated it like he couldn’t believe that Alec was there.

Alec glanced over at him and cursed himself for looking. Magnus was still on the bed, the sheet he’d been covered up with earlier curled around his lap, as he stared over at Alec. He looked young, not in age but in youthfulness, in hope, in whatever that mundane quality was that kept them full of hope and kept Shadowhunters obedient without it. He looked scared and hesitant, like he didn’t understand anything about what was happening to him. Alec knew the feeling.

He nodded. His name, that was safe. Izzy and Jace had already told Magnus his name and probably a lot more about him. There was nothing wrong with him knowing his name-

“You’re my soulmate.” Alec winced. There it was, the conversation that Alec already didn’t want to be having. He looked around sharply but there was no one else there to hear.  There was no one else there for Alec to look too.

He turned to Magnus again and his expression must have been _ruinous_ because Magnus winced too before looking around as Alec had just done and then looking back at him. “Jace said not to tell anyone.”

“Did he tell you why?” Magnus winced again. Alec’s voice was hard, sharp and unforgiving. He shifted, trying to tone it down the smallest amount. He’d never done that before, though. He’d never tried to sound softer. He’d never tried to sound nicer. With Izzy and Jace it came naturally, when it needed too. Here, his heart was pounding and his mind was filled with thoughts of his mother finding out. He’d never had to try to be nicer, while his mind was screaming at him to go punch something.

“Something about your government being homophobic, right?”

Alec suppressed the wince this time and he just stared. Even that word was too dangerous, too risky. _Homophobic._ Alec nodded slowly, “Very. I could lose..” My job. My runes. My parabatai. My family. “I could lose everything, Magnus.” His voice broke on the last syllable of Magnus’s name and they stared at each other in the first sincere moment they’d had before Alec looked away.

“Okay…” Magnus spoke softly, his voice resonating with _pity,_ “I won’t tell anyone.”

Alec wanted to tell him that he shouldn’t. He wanted to tell him what the Clave would do, if they knew. He wanted to tell him every horror that he’d read in the archives, of people like him and what the Clave had done to get rid of them. He needed to tell him, he needed him to understand that they could both lose their lives if he said anything.

But the words stuck in his throat. Magnus shuffled, his fingers moving nervously across the sheet under his hand. He didn’t look scared, like Alec thought. He looked _terrified._ He was being held captive in a place that was probably nothing like he’d ever known. He’d been attacked by a creature that he hadn’t even known existed before that night. His soulmate was there but absent and _cruel._

Alec closed his eyes and took a moment to remind himself of every reason why he couldn’t reach across the bed and comfort him.

 

“What does that one do?” Magnus reached out, his fingers hovering hesitantly above Alec’s arm, obviously wanting to touch him but knowing that if he did, he might shatter the peaceful moment that they were sharing.

“It’s a stamina rune.” Alec glanced over at it. He had thrown it on that morning before he’d gone downstairs to meet his mother. It was a quick one, not fueled with the intent of battle. It was fading now, just starting to flicker out and Alec could feel the energy in him slowly wading back.

“Oh.” Magnus pushed out a breath of air and laughed quietly into his arm, smirking the smallest bit, obviously trying to hide it from Alec.

Alec blinked. He knew what Magnus was laughing at. Despite how his siblings liked to perceive him, he wasn’t that bullheaded. He just didn’t think it was that funny. Not when intimacy like that would never be anything he could have. It was hard though, not to smile when Magnus was sitting across from him, smiling for the first time since they’d been sitting there.

He didn’t smile. He couldn’t let himself get lost too far into this. He had to remember why this wouldn’t work, why he couldn’t let himself get close to Magnus. “It is. We don’t get to sleep a lot.” He said, his expression deadpan as it often was. This time though, he had to shove down the smile and force it.

Magnus looked up at him. He stared for a moment, looking as if he wanted to say something. His mouth started opening and his eyes flickered nervously to the ground and then back to Alec, like he wasn’t sure if he should be saying whatever it was he was about to say.

Alec only had a moment of dreading it, whatever was about to come out of Magnus’s mouth, when the alarms in the Institute started flashing above them, lighting the whole room in crimson red.

 

“There are peaks of demonic activity all across the city. We have enough men to send out a dispatch team to each location but more and more keep popping up.” The screen was light before Alec, showing the red flashes all across the city. His father was in Idris, his mother had left shortly after Jace and Izzy had. Alec was the acting head of the Institute.

The man before him was explaining the situation to Alec for lack of anything else to do but both knew that Alec could see the problem.

The Institute had enough people to deal with the day to day demonic activity of New York. This, whatever Alec was looking at on the Institute’s monitor, was not normal. Daily, they had one or two peaks of activity. Normally always lower level demons, normally not more than one or two. Sometimes, if something big was happening in the city or there was some overwhelming sense of despair hanging over New York, there would be more. Rarely, they dealt with a higher level demon. This though, was completely unnatural.

Whatever it was that was calling the demons to New York, they were completely unprepared for it and now, there was a mundane that Alec needed to worry about. “Send dispatch teams to the largest sights. Tell them to take care of everything they can.” The man nodded but Alec was already turning around to face Magnus.

He was standing a few feet away from them, watching the entrance hall of the Institute with wide eyes. People behind them were already moving to grab weapons off the racks. Steles flashed as runes were applied and cabinets were unlocked.

“I need you to put on some gear and follow me.” The second he said it, he winced. He was in the middle of commanding the Institute during an emergency in which there _would_ be casualties. He didn’t have the time to try and sound softer but that didn’t mean Alec wasn’t affected by Magnus’s frightened expression when he said it.

He was overwhelmed. It was probably the first time that he had been out of the infirmary, since he’d been there. The red lights were still flashing around them, not in the actual entrance hall but in every hallway and room outside of it. There were at least thirty people gathering weapons and applying runes all around them. To Alec, this was common place but he could understand how it would be overwhelming to someone who hadn’t grown up with it.

Sighing, Alec glanced around them. No one was looking at them. Everyone had already been given their orders. No one was sparing a second to glance up and yet, Alec was-

He turned back to Magnus and took a small step towards him, leaning in so no one else could hear him. He watched Magnus’s eyes stare at him, hesitantly, and then he reached out and placed his hand on Magnus’s arm, trying not to grimace at how awkward the motion was, even to him. “We’re just going to check the wards around New York. We shouldn’t run into any demons but if we do, you’re just going to stand behind me, okay? I can’t leave you here unsupervised.”

Magnus nodded slowly. He looked down at Alec hand resting on his and he stared at it for a long moment before nodding again, much more steadily than he had a moment before. “And..” His eyes flickered to the people moving around them. “I have to put on leather pants like that?”

Alec bit his tongue to hold himself back from saying that they weren’t leather. “Yes, you do.”

 

Magnus opened the bathroom door and Alec sat up from the wall where he’d been leaning. The armor fit snug against Magnus’s body, as it was intended to do. The pants were light weight and tight, clinging to his skin in a way that allowed easier movement. He was wearing one of Alec’s shirts, white and lose under the hard jacket that protected his torso.

It was the first time that Alec had seen Magnus wearing clothes that actually fit him, besides that first night in the club. The jacket hid most of Magnus’s upper body but the pants didn’t hide anything. Alec could see the muscles in his legs. He could see the curve of his ass perfectly outlined in the-

Alec coughed and looked away, walking towards the weapons rack in the corner. He scanned the weapons for a moment and then sighed. Magnus wasn’t going to be able to use any of the runed weapons and most of the unruned weapons were complicated and harder to handle, hence the lack of ruins.

Ideally, they would have trained before this. Magnus would at least know to how to handle a weapon, how to protect himself and how to throw a punch if needed.

Magnus wasn’t allowed to go home and he probably wouldn’t be allowed to for a while. Mundanes weren’t allowed to stay in the Institute indefinitely but they couldn’t prove that Magnus wasn’t a spy for Valentine. He would probably be stuck there until the Clave interrogated him and decided that he was just a Mundane with the sight who had seen them. Until then though, someone was going to have to train him so he could protect himself. Even after that. His connection to Alec had shown him the shadow world. Even after he was sent home, he needed to know how to protect himself from everything he could suddenly see.

Alec pulled a training dagger off the rack. It was as sharp as the actual dangers that they used, only it was a bit shorter and it lacked the angelic connection to their blood that most of their other weapons have. It would have to do.

Alec turned around and walked towards Magnus, keeping his eyes locked on the others as he held the dagger out handle first.

Instantly, Magnus’s eyes widened but he reached out and took the weapon from Alec’s grasp anyway. “I don’t know how to use this.” He said simply, staring at Alec hesitantly, like he thought it hadn’t occurred to Alec that Magnus wouldn't know how to use the weapon.

Alec nodded. “I know. You shouldn't have to use it but New York is full of demons and you need a weapon incase something happens to me.” Magnus looked startled at Alec’s choice of words but Alec stepped forward and reached out, gently grabbing Magnus’s wrist before he could say anything.

Mundanes didn’t talk about death. They didn’t talk about when they would die or acknowledge the fact that it might happen soon. Shadowhunters did though. They walked into every battle without saying goodbye and without looking back but they made plans and they accepted the fact that they might die for the greater good of everyone else.

It was unlikely that Alec would die today, while they were out checking the wards but it was possible and Alec needed Magnus to have some chance of protecting himself: Even if it was a weapon that he didn’t know how to use.

Alec reached over with his other hand and moved Magnus’s fingers on the weapon, positioning his fingers in the right place before tightening his grip. “You hold it like this.” Alec said, looking up to make sure Magnus was watching. “Hold it tight but not tight enough that you can’t move your hand. Like a pencil. You need to be able to move fluidly.”

“If you need to use it, focus on where you can stab and then go for it.” Alec moved Magnus’s arm back and then shoved it forward, stopping the blade between both of their hands an inch before Alec’s chest. “Okay?” Alec dropped his wrist and then turned around pulling his bow and quiver off the table next to them, sliding the arrows into the thigh holster on his leg. “We’ll train more when we get back. You’ll need to be able to defend yourself, until you go home.”

When Alec turned around, Magnus was standing there staring down at the weapon in his hands, lightly touching the spot on his wrist where Alec had held him. That was the second time that Alec had touched him and he hadn’t even thought about it. Obviously, Magnus was.

Alec cleared his throat, “Ready?”

Magnus looked up at him, startled for a few moments before nodding.

In a flash, Alec regretted touching him, even to show him how to use a weapon. He couldn’t let Magnus get use to this. He couldn’t let Magnus get use to Alec touching him. He couldn’t even let Magnus get use to talking to him.

Less than a week and he was already slipping.

 

“What are wards?”

Alec glanced over at Magnus. They were walking along the Hudson river, Alec occasionally walking off to the side to check the city's wards. So far, they were all up and active, which meant Alec still had no clue why the city was filled with demons. Isabelle and Jace were on their way back, checking the wards as they went to help take care of the remaining demons. So far, Alec had only heard of two mundanes who had been killed before the dispatch teams showed up. It was a miracle.  “They’re magic shields used to keep demons out of the city. They don’t work very well but they stop some from coming in, which is enough.”

“So, we’re checking them right now?”

Alec looked over at him again. Since they had left the Institute, Alec had tried to stay away from him. Not in distance but in emotions, in words. Alec had answered his questions, providing him the answers and then saying nothing more. It didn’t look like Magnus actually cared about the wards that they were checking but he’d noticed what Alec was doing and he was trying to get him to talk, about _anything._

“Yes.”

They continued in silence for another few minutes and then Magnus spoke again, “Alec.. I know you don’t want to talk about it but-”

Alec cut him off instantly, “I don’t.” He knew what Magnus was going to bring up. He knew what he was going to say and they couldn’t. They couldn’t talk about it. They could never talk about it and soon, Magnus would be home and they’d never have the chance to talk about it again.

“Alec, we don’t have to tell anyone but-”

Alec spun around, forcing Magnus to jump back in order to stop himself from slamming into Alec’s chest. The knife in Magnus’s hand clattered to the ground but Alec started speaking as if he didn’t hear it, his words far harsher than he would have intended, if he had stopped for a moment to think about it. “We _can’t_ tell anyone about it. We can’t.”

Magnus’s eyes widened but his face stayed blank even though Alec could see, in some part of his mind that he was refusing to listen to right now, that Magnus was scared. He was scared of _him._

“Do you know what would happen if someone found out that you were my soulmate?” Alec knew that Magnus wasn’t going to respond but he let the question rest in the air for a moment before he continued, his tone losing none of the rage that it had held a moment before.

“You could be killed, Magnus. They wouldn’t do it directly, they wouldn’t let anyone know. Something would just _happen_ and then you’d be dead.” He’d already made his point. He could stop talking right there but he couldn’t. It didn’t matter if he was scaring Magnus, not right now, because Magnus needed to hear it and maybe he needed to hear it too.

“They probably wouldn’t kill me, not that they’d be mad if I died on some high risk mission that they didn’t want to send anyone else on but I could be sent away. They could take me from my family. They could take the _Institute_ from my family. I can’t give that up for you, I can’t risk my family because I saw in you in a club and some part of my mind decided that we we’re soulmates. I wish we hadn’t even met in the first place.”

Alec did. He wished that they had never even met each other. He wish that he didn’t have to put Magnus in danger. He wished that he hadn’t gotten Magnus's hopes up and part of him wished that he had never known what he was missing.

Behind him, Alec could hear the river rushing by, he could hear the soft buzz of the wards and he could hear the people on the other side of the river, laughing as they made their way across the bridge.

Magnus didn’t flinch. He didn’t cry or even let himself look upset but Alec could see that he’d done it. He’d shattered whatever hope Magnus had had about Alec and him being _anything_ to each other.

Alec turned around and kept walking. He could hear Magnus following behind him, farther back than he had been before. He could hear his feet dragging as he fell farther and farther away from Alec but Alec didn’t turn around.

In the silence of the New York night, Alec didn’t see the tears falling down Magnus’s face and by the time they had to face each other again, Magnus had already brushed them away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter and even I feel bad for Magnus. 
> 
> I'd love to hear your thoughts!


	3. The Missing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The demonic activity in New York continues to rise and Magnus Bane takes a leave of absence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes at the end and an explanation!

“All of the wards that we checked are up. There were no faults, no wavering-” Alec’s eyes scanned his parabatai’s body quickly before jumping to his sister. There was a cut on Jace’s shoulder, bleeding through the dark jacket that he was wearing. Isabelle walked with a slight limp, something must have happened to her leg, but both of them were otherwise fine.  

Obviously, their trip back had been more eventful than Magnus’ and his.

“That doesn’t make any sense, though.” Isabelle said, her hand moving to pull her stele from the strap on her arm, reaching out to carve a dark iratze rune on Jace’s arm and then hers, as if she had seen Alec’s eye darting and followed his thoughts.

“Yes, it does. It means that something else is letting them in or calling to them or-” It made sense. It wasn’t impossible what was happening with the demons. There were a lot of things that could be drawing them into the city but it meant that they had ruled out their only _rational_ option. The only option that would have ended things here, simple and clean, was that there was a problem with the warding around the city but that had been officially ruled out.

Alec wondered if anyone at the Institute had already contacted Idris or if he was going to have to call himself. Part of him hoped that someone else already had, so that he could avoid the inevitable conversation with his mother (assuming she had left the night before, as she claimed she was) and part of him hoped that they hadn’t, so that Alec could show his leadership in this role.

“It has to be a warlock.”

Beside him, Magnus lifted his head for the first time since they had met up with Alec’s siblings again. When they had first approached them, Alec had seen Izzy reach out and touch Magnus’ arm, as if she could tell what had happened without anyone needing to say it.

Alec hated how much his sister knew him, sometimes.

“The only warlock strong enough to do this would be Ragnor and he has served the Clave for years. He wouldn’t-”

“He cares about his people.” Alec looked up at pressed his lips together as Isabelle cut him off. She wasn’t wrong. At every turn, Ragnor helped the Clave when it saved people and protected and stood rather neutrally otherwise. It didn’t make sense that Ragnor would do this, not when it put so many innocent people at risk. But there wasn’t a reason that she need to say it, so clearly aligned with the Downworlders, even if it was just the four of them standing there. “He wouldn’t do this.”

“No, he wouldn’t.” Alec sighed. Even though it was completely out of his control and Alec _knew_ that he was acting more competently than he imagined even she would in this situation, he could already hear his mother's words, asking why in the world Alec hadn’t already found the source and fixed everything.

“Let’s head back to the Institute. We can check a few more spots in the wards and then contact Ragnor and The Clave. Maybe, they already have something.” Alec doubted that they would. Nothing could be that easy, not when Alec was in charge.

Isabelle stood next to Magnus the whole walk back and Alec pretended not to notice.

 

The Institute was in chaos when they arrived but Alec hadn’t expected anything less. The Clave had already been contacted to send reinforcements, which seemed to be taking their sweet time arriving.

The monitors, now displayed on a permanent lock rather than being pulled up when someone needed them, projected the increasingly disturbing demonic activity of the city. In the hour and a half since Alec had stepped foot out the door, the level of demons in their city had increased almost tenfold. Whatever it was that was bring them here hadn’t stopped and Alec still had almost no idea what that could be in the first place.

Demons didn’t swarm as they were now. They didn’t gather and plan. Something else was and it didn’t slip Alec’s mind how suspicious it was for this to take place only two days after Magnus had been brought into the Institute.

Alec doubted that Magnus had anything to do with it but no one else would, not when Alec couldn't tell them the key evidence that cleared his name. Then, on top of all of that, Alec had to worry about just what in the world he was even going to do with him while he dealt with this.

Sometimes, Alec felt as though his life had been cursed. Other times, such as this, Alec was certain that it was.

 

Alec regave gave the orders that he had already given, for all personal available to go try to handle the demonic activity in the streets while he, Jace and Isabelle went to talk to Ragnor and see if he had any idea what was going on and if he could help.

The Clave enforcements had finally arrived and been sent out as well, though, even with their numbers now added to the taskforce, Alec knew that they still didn’t have enough people to deal with this, not if the demonic activity kept rising as it had been. They needed to stop it.

The second that Alec stepped foot into the entry hall, Isabelle and Magnus’ eyes snapped up to look at him, as if they had been talking about him a moment before. Alec was use the look, though, he wasn’t use to the sharp gaze of his sister being mad at him.

When was the last time that she had even been angry with him? When he sided with his mother over her, so many years ago, when he’d still believe in his ability to make her see things the right way? When he’d stayed home instead of going out with her, when she’d still hoped that she could force him to relax? When they were five and he’d stolen her cookie?

Isabelle hadn’t been angry with him in so long, perhaps never over something this serious. Alec knew that he was right though. Perhaps, he’d been mean and brutal but they lived in a world where that was _necessary._ Isabelle didn’t understand that. She never had.

But Alexander had always carried the weight of the hard, _realistic_ decisions alone, hadn’t he?

 

“What did you say to him, Alec?” Alec’s steps didn’t falter but Isabelle’s didn’t either. The city was under attack, something was going on, something big, Alec was being held accountable for all of it and Isabelle thought that _now_ was an appropriate time to- “Alec!”

Alec turned around in a sudden quick motion, though unlike Magnus, Isabelle didn’t jump back at the fierce look on Alec’s face. “What, he didn't tell you? I assumed he would have, seeing as how close the two of you are now.”

“Alec-” There was a warning in Isabelle’s tone but Alec was at the end of his patience. He was so _sick_ of everyone acting as if he didn’t understand what he was doing, as if he didn’t _know_ that he was ruining his chance at happiness.

“I told him the truth! I told him what would happen if anyone knew! I told him how much I could lose- how much _he_ could lose, what would you have rather I lied to him? Told him that everything was going to be okay, that we’d work it out?” Isabelle opened her mouth to say something, the hard determined look not wavering, except for the way that her eyes softened in _pity_ . “You and Jace are so determined for there to be a happy ending here but there isn’t one! You two get to do whatever you want, you get to fight and argue and barely look back at the consequences but I don’t! He would _die_ if anyone knew, they would _kill_ him! They would strip me of my runes and I would never see you again! Is that your happy ending, Izzy?”

They both stared at each other for a moment, Alec waiting for a response that he doubted would come, Isabelle struggling to come up with something to say, struggling to find reason to convince Alec that he was wrong even though they both knew that he wasn’t.

“Alec! The sensors are going off again!”

Alec turned around to face the nameless shadowhunter that had darted around the corner. The back of his mind flared with thoughts of, _‘What if he heard?’_ And Alec was suddenly, franticly, _violently_ , refueled with the conclusion that he was right, even if Isabelle, Jace and his soulmate wished that he wasn’t. The world that they lived in was cruel but Alec had far better things to do than to wallow in it or wish that things were different. He had an Institute to run.

“I’ll be there in a second.”

Isabelle didn’t meet his eyes as she followed him and Alec didn’t meet hers.

 

Alec gathered his team to go speak to the High Warlock and sent other to guard outside of the Institute, as a precaution. Demons were still continuing to flood through the city's wards but they were taking them down in almost breathtaking numbers, at least leaving the demonic activity at a stagnant rate, rather than rising as it had been hours ago.  

Things were still catastrophic but they were managing and suddenly, the whole problem seemed less overwhelming than it had. The sensors were picking up more and more and as the hours went on that they tracked the demons, they started to get a sense of where they were coming from. It was a portal or a rift- It was something that they had pinpointed to an exact location and now their only barrier was to get the High Warlock to follow them and close it, which was far less of a front than trying to understand _how_ all of this was happening.  

Suddenly, Alec didn’t dread giving his report to the Clave or telling his mother of what happened. They were fixing it, _Alec_ was fixing it and even though they weren’t in the clear yet, Alec couldn’t imagine what could go wrong and ruin their almost foolproof plan.

Get the warlock. Close it. Kill the demons.

There had never been a more straight forward plan for such a harrowing problem.

“Where’s Magnus?” Jace looked up from the rune that he throwing onto his arm, his words casual, as if he has just realized that he didn’t quite know where Alec’s soulmate was.

Alec had never heard anything less casual in his life. The words came over him in a flood of absolute _dread_. Alec hadn’t seen Magnus in at least an hour, since he’d last saw him talking with Isabelle. The thought hadn’t even occurred to him to ask where he was. His mind skipped over his lack of presence with an almost thankful ignorance.

Alec didn’t have time to worry about him. He didn’t have time to babysit him and make sure that he was alright, he was busy saving New York and commanding the Institute but now that the question had been asked, Alec had the feeling that he didn’t want to know the answer.

_Where the fuck had Magnus been this whole time?_

 

He wasn’t in the Institute. That's the only phrase that kept flashing in Alec’s mind.  He wasn’t in the Institute. He wasn’t in the Institute and Alec had absolutely no clue where else he could be. He didn't even have time to look for him, had he had any guess where to start.  

Jace was ready to go. Isabelle had walked out the door moments before, already leaving to meet them at the sight after they got Ragnor. Both of them assumed that Alec had sent Magnus with someone or made someone stay back with him. Alec didn’t correct them. He didn’t tell them that he had searched the whole Institute for him and found nothing. He didn’t tell them that Magnus had left in this, that he was out there while the streets were flooded with demons, with absolutely no protection.

Alec grabbed his bow off the counter and threw it over his shoulder before running down the steps and out into the dim light outside, his eyes searching for Magnus the whole walk to Ragnor’s.

He didn’t find him.

 

“Are you actually asking me if I know why the demons are attacking? Are you that dim witted?” Alec blinked. Jace tensed as if to retort back, though nothing came out of his mouth. “A warlock isn’t the only thing powerful enough to do this-” Ragnor snapped, as if he was personally offended by their stupidity. “Valentine is too, he’s cutting deals with greater demons and you would know that if your kind listened to a single thing that came from a downworlder’s mouth but, of course not.”

Alec’s mind struggled to catch up with what Ragnor was saying. It couldn't have been Valentine. He'd been in communication with the Clave since the attacks had started, they would have told him if they had any reason to believe he was in New York causing this. Alec shook his head to visibly clear his thoughts. That couldn't be true. The Clave wouldn't have kept that information from them, if there had been single possibility that it was true. 

“There’s a portal or a rift off second avenue- We need to close it before any more demons come in.” Alec said, choosing to focus instead on what they could do _now_ and not the topic that would start a fight between the two of them. “We need your help.”

Ragnor scoffed, his eyes flicking in a quick eye roll. Alec spoke before he could respond.

“You’re people are being hurt too. They’re killing mundanes and downworlders too. The demons don’t choose a side. Please, for them.”

Ragnor looked annoyed that Alec had spoke as if he knew that Ragnor could not refuse but five minutes later, he walked out the door with them, saying as he did, “Good thing you didn’t bring your mundane with you- I certainly wouldn't have healed him again.”

Alec swallowed the knot in his throat and kept walking without responding.

 

Isabelle was standing at the edge of the portal when they arrived, the dispatch team that had been sent with her battling the demons that continued to come though, though it looked as if Isabelle was taking care of most of them herself.

Ragnor made a noise when he saw it- half between awe of and horror as his eyes snapped to Alec, glaring as if Alec had been the one to cause this mess. “That’s a portal to Edom-” Then he said something under his breath in a language that Alec didn’t recognize. He had the feeling that he was being insulted anyway.

Ragnor moved forward without saying anything else, marching towards the deep gouge in the sand, the demons and shadowhunters moving out of his way as if he had done something to make them do so without realizing, though Alec hadn’t seen him do any such thing.

Jace moved forward, pulling his sword out to dive fast at the demon closest to him and Alec was suddenly reminded that he should probably do the same. He watched his Parabatai smile as he lunged into the attack and Alec couldn’t help but smile back, as he notched his bow back and let the first arrow go.

He could still feel the gnawing guilt accompanied by the fact that Magnus was gone and he had no clue where he was, though he was momentarily comforted by the fact that Magnus wasn’t in pain- he would have felt it- and that Ragnor was closing the portal and they were taking care of the demons. He would find Magnus. He would get cleared by the Clave and then, he would go home and Alec would stop having to worry about him.

Everything was going to be okay.

 

Ragnor stood, the dark magic pouring from his fingers as he mumbled incantations that made Alec’s head hurt, if he listened to them too hard. The last of the dispatch team were still there was spread out, taking care of the lingering demons while Izzy, Jace and him handled the last of the ones coming into their realm.

The portal had just snapped shut and Ragnor’s hands had just dropped to his side, when Alec felt it. At first, Alec thought that Magnus was hurt. His mind flashed with imagines of him bleeding out on a club floor, bleeding out somewhere in New York because Alec hadn’t gone to find him right away, because Alec hadn’t told anyone.

Though, the feeling wasn’t quite right. The sharp sting of pain that Alec had accompanied most of Alec’s life wasn’t there. Instead, it felt like a deep gnawing uncomfort and Alec realized after a few moments that wherever Magnus was, he wasn’t hurt, not by anything physical, but he was crying.

Deep inside of him, something, just for a moment, broke and Alec found himself struggling to not throw his weapons down and run until he found Magnus and made everything okay again, run until he could pull him into his arms and stop whatever was making him cry.

It didn’t occur to Alec that Magnus could be crying because of him.

“If another one opens, send me a fire message. I’d rather do without the nephilim accompaniment next time.” Alec’s head snapped up to find that Ragnor had stepped away from the, now nonexistence portal, to stand before him. He carried himself as he always did, his motions as powerful and at ease as they had always been, thought Alec could see, just a little, that Ragnor was feeling the loss of the magic he had just used.

Alec thought of offering to walk him back and then his mind caught up with the sentence Ragnor had just spoken and he thought against it. As Ragnor was turning to walk away, he gave Alec a look that made him feel as though Ragnor knew exactly what was happening with Magnus, though, he couldn't have.

 

They gathered their weapons, took care of any debris that would be dangerous to have left on the beach, send the dispatch teams back a head of them and then began the trip themselves. Alec could still feel Magnus and the weight of his agony felt heavier than Alec had imagined it could, it felt stronger than even he and Jace’s bond was.

He had just started to find the words to tell Izzy and Jace that Magnus had gone missing, when Izzy spoke, her words soft even though it was only the three of them there. “When we get back, you should try to talk to Magnus.”

She looked as if she wanted to say more but fell silent when Alec’s eyes flickered away and his face flashed in a look of what must have been panic. “Yeah..” Alec breathed out, his eyes finding the ground before him rather than both of his siblings, who had both stilled to stare at him. “I don’t know where Magnus is.”

Alec felt the bruise where Izzy had hit him the whole frantic walk back to the Institute, to see if Magnus had left something behind that Alec had overlooked.

He hadn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry to everyone who was invested in this story and then had to wait months, while I worked on other things.
> 
> I started college and then, I was focused on finishing my other story but now I am back to this! I can't promise an exact updating schedule because I am a college student who also has a job but I can say that my free time is now one hundred percent focused on this story. When I have time to write, I will be writing this! So, there is no fear of another long absence like last time. 
> 
> Let me know your thoughts, yell at me if you're mad about how long you had to wait, tell me if you're new and happy that you didn't have to wait! You guys can also come follow me at, 'Facialteeth' on tumblr and yell at me if I fall behind in updating. 
> 
> This chapter doesn't have much Magnus/Alec interaction but the next chapter will be full of it, so I feel like it's okay. 
> 
> Again, thank you so much to everyone who has stuck with me! I'm so excited to continue this story.


	4. The Mistakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus Bane takes control of his life again and Alec realizes how badly he's messed up.

Magnus had stayed in this cryptic, weird church of a building for a couple of days now and he’d begin to get a semblance of an understanding for how things functioned here. His soulmate, Alec, was in charge. He was stuck here because Alec’s government thought he might be working with a bad guy and they couldn't explain that he wasn’t, he was just Alec’s soulmate, because they would kill him. Though, Alec’s government seemed a bit like a bad guys themselves, so Magnus couldn’t really follow which side was right.

In fact, Magnus was still a bit confused as to which side they were on but as Magnus understood it: The whole situation boiled down to the fact that Magnus was a prisoner here and his soulmate wanted absolutely nothing to do with him.

That, undoubtedly, changed things. Magnus had been compliant and rather cooperative since he’d gotten here. Alec’s siblings were nice to him. They explained a bit farther why Alec acted as he did and for the most part, Magnus understood. He perhaps didn’t understand the gravity of the situation or how Alec’s society functioned but he understood the fear of being outed and he understood how terrifying that fear must be, living in a society that was outright aggressive towards any sexuality that wasn’t the norm.

See, what Magnus didn’t understand was why he’d let Alec affect him so much. He didn’t understand how he had let himself be so vulnerable and _affected_ by Alec’s cruelty.

Their society put so much emphasis on soulmates. His whole life, Magnus had grown up believing that someday, he would meet his soulmate everything dark and grim in the world would cease to exist.

Magnus was starting to realize that that wasn’t true.

It was _stupid_ too. Magnus was fine with his life, he loved it even. He was poor and after paying his bill, he barely had any money to spare but he was _fine_ . He loved his classes. He loved his friends. He loved his apartment, as small and worn down as it was because it was _his_.

Why had he let some man he didn’t even know ruin that? Why had he let himself feel so awful because Alec had decided, before he’d even met him, that he didn’t want him? He’d been so caught up in the longing for his soulmate that he didn’t think to step back and wonder if he even wanted to be around this angry, cruel person.

They were soulmates but that didn’t mean that Magnus needed to accept his abuse unconditionally. Alec didn’t want him. He didn’t want to deal with him. He didn’t want anything that Magnus had to offer and Magnus was starting to realize that maybe, he didn't want Alec either.

 

Magnus had left the Institute a couple of hours prior. It was surprisingly easy, considering how secure, safe and guarded it was supposed to be. He had been told how efficiently they ran things and yet, as he’d stood outside his room, looking over the mass of people below, he thought that he’d never seen a group of people moving so chaotically.

Alec was standing on a platform, looking at the monitors that flashed red, alerting him of something, as he gave what Magnus assumed were orders. He’d expected someone to stop him, maybe he’d even been hoping for it but when he walked downstairs and casually made his way towards the front door, no one even glanced in his direction.

Vigilant, effective, alert- Magnus thought he had never met a group of people more ignorant as to what was happening around them.

 

The walk back to his apartment had been a grim one. Magnus hadn’t come to the realization that he didn’t need Alec yet and the sting of his words hurt as if he’d just heard them for the first time again. It didn’t help that it was freezing out and Magnus hadn’t thought to grab a jacket as he’d left.

He walked home with tears in his eyes and as he’d approached his front door, he’d felt a flash of adrenaline and then, panic and _sorrow_. Magnus wondered if that was Alec and if so, he wondered what had broken through his icy exterior enough to make him feel that sad and angry. Whatever it was, Magnus was happy that Alec was suffering as much as he’d made him, even if that thought felt petty and he had to push back the concern threatening to bubble to the surface.

 

Magnus had missed three days of class, due to Alec and his family. Perhaps, his academic career wasn’t as important as fighting demons or whatever those creatures were that Alec and his people thought they were so angelic for killing but Magnus would be damned if he was going to put it on the back burner again.

He emailed his professors, made up some lie that resembled what happened enough that he didn’t feel guilty and then he started working on the assignments he hoped he could still turn in.

It was hours later, when he finally stood, charcoal lacing his hands in dark hues of black and realized that he also hadn’t checked his phone in days.

He thought that he had lost it the night he’d been attacked but he remembered suddenly that he had forgotten it at home that night and that it should still be next to his bed. It was dead when he found it but he plugged it in and went back to work as he waited.

 

Magnus wasn’t a very introverted person. He enjoyed his time alone with himself but he had a lot of friends. He had expected the mass about of texts and missed calls on his phone, though, perhaps he hadn’t expected the intensity of the texts from two people in particular.

His two best friends had texted Magnus well over fifty times and as Magnus scrolled through the notifications, he saw that they had called him and completely filled his inbox with voicemails. Magnus read the latest message and his heart sank, “Magnus, something really weird is happening. I don’t know what to do. I need you to call me.” Then- nothing for hours.

Magnus tried to call them back at least five time but everytime, it went straight to voicemail. Almost on cue, just as the panic was starting to set in, someone knocked on Magnus’ door and when he opened it, he was greeted with the sight of Clary Fray and Simon Lewis, covered in dark black liquid that look quite a lot like blood.

 

The story that Magnus was told over the course of the next hour was one that Magnus found surprisingly easy to believe. After everything he’d seen in that past forty eight hours, he would have believed just about anything that Clary told him.

Clary’s story started early that morning, just about when the alarms had started going off in the Institute and Alec had made him put on leather pants and follow him outside. Something, assumably a demon, had attacked Clary’s house when Simon and her were home alone. It had chased her into her mother's bedroom, when she grabbed a stick off the table, almost on instinct.

Clary explained how it had lit up in her hands and how she’d panicked, shoved it in the things mouth and watched in shock as it crumbled and disappeared. Simon, provided helpful commentary such as, “It was insane and super badass!” Which, really added to the mental image that Magnus was building in his head (Though, he also described the dark goo that exploded out and covered them as ‘ectoplasm.’ Which, Magnus didn’t think was quite accurate).

Clary said that they hadn’t heard from Magnus in days, which in of itself wasn’t that odd but after what they’d experienced that morning, they were terrified that something had happened to him.

“I told her that you were fine-” Magnus filled them in on everything that had happened to him the past few days and when he mentioned Alec and the weapons that they had used, Clary pulled the thing she had used to kill the demon out of her pocket.

It was only then that Magnus started to realize that perhap, their stories were connected far more than just the demons.

“Maybe, we should go back there.” Clary spoke hesitantly next to him, biting her lip and watching his reaction, as if she expected him to snap at her because of it. Clary and Simon had both used Magnus’ shower to scrub all of the dirt and awful smelling scum off of their bodies and now, they were sitting around, trying to decide where to proceed from here.

Magnus was sure that he visibly grimsed at that idea.

“They seem like the only ones who would be able to explain what’s going on and I still can’t find my mom.” She had a point but that didn’t mean Magnus _liked_ it anymore. He had just decided, _accepted_ that he didn’t need Alec in his life. He thought that if they saw each other again, it would be Alec coming to him and begging him to come back and let his shitty overbearing government clear him, as Alec had been very impatiently waiting on. Now, he was suppose to show up on his doorstep with two friends in need of help?

Magnus’ stomach physically turned at the thought. He wasn’t particularly stubborn but he’d almost rather die than see Alec’s smug face when he showed up again. “Alec said that there were demons all over New York. Maybe, it was random that one attacked your house.” Magnus spoke confidently, even though he didn’t quite think that was true. Nothing about this could be coincidence.

“And this?” Clary held up the.. Stelle? Stele? Stick?- That she had found in her house.

“Coincidence too?” Not one of the three of them needed to say that they didn’t believe that and Magnus was thankful. They all understood what was happening. No one needed to say out loud that eventually, Magnus would have to see Alec again, even if it was true.

 

“If you don’t want to go back there, then we’ll figure something else out.” Clary followed Magnus, as he avoided her and grabbed his jacket off his desk chair, pretending to be engrossed in fixing his hair and getting ready to leave.

From across the room, Simon jumped in too. “Yeah, I get it. Alec kinda sounds like an asshole. I wouldn’t want to go ask him for help either.” Magnus turned around slowly and when he did, he caught Clary smirking in an expression much like the one Magnus was trying to repress. Something about the simplicity, the normality that Simon has used when he said it, as if Alec was simply someone that they disliked in school and not part of this greater, insane story with demons and bad guys, made Magnus want to grin.

Yeah. Alec _did_ sound kinda like an asshole.

“Maybe, we should go try to find Luke first. He might know why that was in your house and if your mom was going to tell anyone where she was going, it would be Luke.” Luke was Clary’s step father and pretty much the father figure of all three of them, as Simon’s was dead and Magnus’ was MIA. Every since they’d been fifteen, Luke had taken on the role of group parental figure and he’d done it well.

If there was any adult who could help with this insane situation, it would be Luke.

“-And he has a gun.” Simon helpfully pointed out.

“And he has a gun.” Magnus echoed.

 

As they left Magnus’ apartment, he found himself feeling a lot better than he had since this had all started.

Every since the beginning, he’d felt nothing but alone in this. He’d woken up in an unfamiliar place and as much as Alec’s siblings had tried to explain things to him and keep him calm, Magnus felt like he didn’t understand any of it. He might as well have been on an alien plant with absolutely nothing to tie him to his old life. Now, he had Simon and Clary and as much as he’d have rather them not have been involved and not in danger, it all seemed so much more manageable with them there.

And they stopped for coffee on the way to the police station.

 

Alec wanted to scream. It had been well over five hours since Magnus had gone missing and they were no closer to find him or find a way to track him and now, his mother was due to come walking through the Institute doors any minute.

To top it off, Isabelle was furious with him. She’d barely spoke a word to him that didn’t come from a necessity to do their jobs and Alec couldn’t blame her. He should have said something right away, he should have told them the second that he had noticed that Magnus was missing, he shouldn’t have assumed that they would find him easily because apparently, he’d been wrong.

It didn’t help that Jace was mad at him too, though at least Jace held himself back from showing this openly. If it weren’t for Alec being able to feel it, he wouldn't have even known.

He had fucked up. He’d fucked up bad and now, Magnus was either going to be killed by a demon that he didn’t know how to protect himself from or the Clave was going to assume he was a spy or a traitor or an enemy at the very least. What other excuse could Alec possibly come up with for Magnus having seen them when he shouldn’t have, infiltrated their Institute and then disappeared? It was _weird_ , it was _weird_ and the Clave wasn’t going to put up with anything weird, not now.

To make it worse, Alec was starting to think that the Clave and his parents knew something they didn’t. His mind jumped back to Isabelle’s question, when Magnus had first arrived at the Institute, _“Why would Valentine spy on us? There's nothing special about the New York Institute. Not to him.”_

Alec was starting to think that Ragnor had been right and that the Clave was trying to hide the fact that Valentine was in New York, doing this. And if he was? There would be no doubt in their mind that Magnus had been working with him and even if there _was_ doubt, the Clave would much rather kill one mundane than leave it up to chance. They’d cut his head from his neck without a second thought.

 

Alec’s mother came through the front doors just as she had left: Vaguely angry, impassive and uncaring, as she normally appeared. Though, the accompaniment of the Clave officials behind her made Alec pause for a second.

The thought struck him with a wave of anger. What other reason would the Clave have for sending more people here, after the crisis had been dealt with, if Valentine wasn’t at fault for this?

“Mother.” Alec nodded in her direction. His heart was pounding in his chest. He was torn between panicking about Magnus or feeling enraged at the fact that his mother hadn’t told him, that the Clave hadn’t felt it necessary to tell him what was happening when he was sending people out into the city to fight.

She nodded back to him but something in her expression made Alec pause again. She looked… worried. “Alexander, meet me upstairs.”

Alec found himself wondering what could possibly have made his mother look worried.

 

“How did your mission go?” She leaned against the desk, as Alec closed the door behind them.

“Well. Ragnor Fell closed the portal and we eliminated most of the demons.”  His mother sighed softly, relieved. Alec continued, “Though, Ragnor said something interesting. He seemed to think that Valentine was at fault for this and that the Clave knew and failed to tell us.”

A couple of things came across his mother face when he said it. Shock, horror and then, nothing. Alec didn’t even find himself a little bit surprised. “It’s true, isn’t it?” He demanded sharply. “That’s why there are Clave officials here.”

“Alec..” He almost snapped at her again but something in her voice made him wait. “They didn’t think there was a reason to cause unnecessary panic.”

“And you didn’t either?” The Clave withholding information was one thing but he at least though his mother would have told him. “You obviously knew for a while, you suspected Magnus was a spy for Valentine before.” The second the words came from his mouth, Alec regretted them. It was true. His mother had to have know to say that before but Alec had walked into this room, ready to steer the conversation as far away from Magnus as he could and hopefully, find him before anyone noticed he was gone.

And yet- He’d deliberately drawn attention to it. For the second time in one day, Alec had fucked up.

“I didn’t know before.” His mother insisted quietly, “I had suspicions that Valentine would spy on us but I didn’t know for sure that he was in New York.”

“You still could have-”

She cut him off. “Alec, we don’t have time.” She sighed and shook her head, as if collecting her thoughts. Alec had never seen his mother need to collect herself before. “We have reason to believe that the mortal cup is in New York and that Valentine launched the attack this morning to try and find it. You understand why it’s important that we find it first, if he doesn’t have it already. I need you to go man a search to try and find it. Search all of the areas that the demons focus on, find anything weird.”

She sighed and added as an afterthought, “The Clave is attempting to track him and his wife if she's still alive but they both seem to have hidden themselves.”

Alec hesitated and then nodded. They were never going to find anything, not if they had nothing to go off of. They couldn’t blindly search all of New York, hoping to stumble upon the cup before Valentine did. They also couldn’t do nothing.

Alec wasn’t sure what sounded worse. Sitting around, waiting for Valentine to find it or searching blindly for across the whole of New York. The only silver lining in this was that so much was going on that Magnus wasn’t going to be focal point. Maybe, they actually had time to find him before anyone noticed he was gone.

Then, his mother spoke again and any hope of that crashed down around him, “Oh and bring the mundane downstairs. Someone will interrogate him. Now, isn’t the time to have anyone in out walls that we don’t trust.”

Alec’s heart stilled in his chest and then he nodded, automatically and he must have managed to cover his panic well because his mother didn’t ask. A moment later, she left him to go downstairs and Alec took in a sharp breath before breaking and openly panicking for a few seconds in the empty room.

Someone was waiting downstairs for Magnus. Someone was waiting and when Alec failed to bring him, when they realized that he wasn’t in the Institute, that he’d disappeared and they had no clue where he was, they were going to send people to kill him, probably the same Clave officials that Alec had seen a moment before.

Innocent or not, they would put a price out for Magnus’ head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay.. I am exceptionally late with this update. I had a timeline written out and in the beginning, I had been trying to write everything that happened in this chapter from Alec's POV only and half the length, so that I could include what happens after in this chapter too but I woke up this morning decided to scrap the chapter I had written (It was.. practically done) because I realized that I didn't like it and I wrote this. 
> 
> Personally, I like this much much better than what I had originally planned, even if I didn't get to the Magnus/Alec interaction that I had promised last time. I hadn't planned to write from Magnus' POV but it makes sense. Without, we're missing a lot. 
> 
> The next chapter will come as soon as I can do it. Let me know what you guys thought! Is Magnus' POV interest too? 
> 
> (As always, you guys can come talk to me on tumblr at 'Facialteeth' if you want.)


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